"Is anyone among you sick? Then he must call for the elders of the church and they are to pray over him, anointing him in the name of the Lord; and the prayer offered in faith will restore the one who is sick, and if he has commited sins, they will be forgiven him." James 5:14-15

I know that by the stripes of Jesus we are healed. His sacrifice was enough--- more than enough for whatever is wrong with me. I have come to rezlize that it is not in my timing that the healing will come. It is not in the timing of the Pastors and women of faith who have prayed withough ceasing for me. It is up to God alone. He is going to perform the miracle in my life so that He may have the most glory from it.

He will be the one who completes the good work that he has begun in me. I know that I must be found faithful. I know that I must be the one that endures.

I thought that I had surrendered all to Him. I thought that I had laid everything down at His feet. What I realized today is that there are still parts of me that are hanging on. The Uzziah in me must die so that I may see the Lord high and lifted up.

I am still relying on what I see instead of what God said, I am still too dependent on myself and my own abilities. I am still striving for answers istead of allowing God to be my everything.

I have gotten off the cross one too many times. I have not allowed it to finish its work. Well today, that ends. I am staying on the cross this time. I am not looking for the asnwers, the solution, but instead I am looking to the Lord.

My hearts cry has become this:

"Everything I once held dear, I count it all as loss,

Lead me to the cross where your love poured out, bring me to my knees , Lord I lay me down, rid me of myself, I belong to you... oh lead me... lead me to the cross."

This is the tool that God is using to bring about my death so that I can rise and walk in newness of life.

Affliction

"You have dealt well with You servant,

O Lord according to your word.

Teach me good discernment and knowledge, 

For I believe in Your commandments. "

"Before I was afflicted I went astray,

But now I keep Your word."

"You are good and do good;

Teach me your statutes."

"It is good for me that I was afflicted, 

that I may learn your statutes."

Psalm 119:65-68, 71

These verses were a comfort to me.  I feel like that is me-- before my affliction I did go astray, but now I know that there is nothing that I can do except trust and seek the Lord.  He holds everything in His hand.  While I may not understand this season in my life fully... I know that God is using this illness(whatever it is) to burn the impurities out of me.  To make me completely aware of my dependence upon Him.

I confess my weariness.  I am tired of the rebellion of my body.  I am tired of the pain.  I am tired of the way that every activity seems to be a challenge that I can't seem to overcome.  It is more than a headache... but it is nothing compared to what Jesus had to endure.  A wonderful godly woman told me last night that Jesus understands what I am going through.  That was comforting to me.  He understands my physical weakness.  He died so that I may be healed of it.  

"My soul cleaves to the dust;

Revive me according to your word.

I have told of my ways and You have answered me;

Teach me Your statutes.

Make me understand the way of your precepts,

So I will meditate on Your wonders.

My soul weeps because of grief;

Strengthen me according to your word.

Remove the false from me, 

And graciously grant me Your law.

I have chosen the faithful way;

I have placed your ordinances before me.

I cling to your testimonies;

O Lord, do not put me to shame!"

Psalm 119: 25-31

I recently told God that this was all too much.  That I can't do this.  That He requires too much. This life that I have been called to is not what the "normal Christian" has been called to.  I realize that it is not too much, that it is just my reasonable service.  I have to learn so much, and this is just one more tool that the refiner uses.  

So while I wait... while I pray until... until I am healed, until I am perfected, until I am taken to Glory, I will serve, worship and press.  I will not shrink back.  I will not.  

GIVE UP MY RIGHTS

"Do all things without complaining or disputing; so that you will prove yourselves to be blameless and innocent, children of God above reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you appear as lights in the world, holding fast the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I will have reason to glory because I did not run or toil in vain."--Philippians 2:14-16

and...

"Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves."--Philippians 2:14-16

In a situation like when we go and do outreach in Iberville, it is easy to do all things without grumbling and complaining, and it is easy to see the people there as more important that yourself.  That is why we go, to minister to the people, to meet their needs.  To bring the light of Jesus into a very dark place. 

What about at home?  I found that it is harder to live this way at home, with the people that I love the most.  I get annoyed, I fight for my rights, my recognition, my chance to be important. Until God said "give up your rights."  I realized in that moment that I didn't even know what it meant to "give up my rights."  In the truest, real sense.  I mean, I had an idea... but I had no idea what it would look like.  

I have to stop myself from becoming upset when something doesn't go the way that I think it should.  I have to realize that God's ways are not my ways and His thoughts are not my thoughts.  He is so much higher than me.  So I must nail everything to the cross.  I must say that I am crucified with Christ and yet I live.  I've also realized that there are so many areas of my life that I have tried to live on my own strength, and they have not been glorifying God.  I have tried to love my family on my own strength and have not been the best in my role as a daughter, wife or mother.  I have tried to love the body of Christ on my own strength and realized that I need God to take what I have and make it what He wants... I had to be reconciled to Him before I could be reconciled to anyone else.  

So now, I must do that.  I must die to what I want, what I think I need and live for the benefit of other people.  Not in the way that I think that should be done.  In the way that God says it should be done.  

I fear the Lord... and I want to be pleasing to Him in all I do.  It is this that has restored my soul. 

"The Law of the Lord is perfect, restoring the soul;

The testimony of the Lord is sure,

Making wise the simple.

The precepts of the Lord are right,

rejoicing the heart;

The commandment of the Lord is pure,

enlightening the eyes."

Psalm 19:7-8

 

Mardi Gras 2009

To see people praying on Bourbon Street like this is a testimony that God is doing an amazing work here.

As the partiers come through the corner they are asked "Are you living for Jesus tonight?" or some other question to get them to stop and talk. Then we lead them to the cross.

Mardi Gras 2009

February 20-24, 2009

This is my second time going to Mardi Gras. For the people that go to party it is the best time of their lives... or so they think. RAVENS from all over the country flocked in to preach the cross, and to minister and meet the needs of the people.

Each night, we head down to Bourbon Street, where the majority of the revelry goes on. Some hold crosses and pass out tracts, all are there with one singular purpose to see lives changed and given over to Christ.

This year was particulary amazing.

What's hidden behind the door?

"This is the covenant that I will make with them

after those days, says the Lord:

I will put My Laws upon their heart,

and on their mind I will write them, 

He then says, 

and their sins and lawless deeds

I will remember no more."  Hebrews 10:16-17

In every persons heart there is a door.  There is a place that we keep all of our secrets, all of our treasures, our memories.  Here we keep the things that need to be under lock and key.  Things that we regard in need of protection.  For some it is a cherished memory of a loved one, a first kiss, a walk down an aisle, vows made, a child's first step.  For some though, these things are vows broken, hurts, painful memories and scars so deep that healing seems impossible.  

Thankfully though there is a voice that echoes through eternity and says open the door.  Open the door to everything that we cherish.  Give it all to him.  Whether it be good or bad, he wants us to let Him have a part in it all.  He wants to be our redeemer, our comforter, our hope, our deliverer, our provider, our peace, our all in all.  

There is nothing in the past that His mercy cant touch, nothing in the present that He can't heal, and nothing that the future holds that He can't carry us through.  He is the keeper of the doors.  

There is so much damage that can be done by the things that amount to sin that we try and keep hidden.  Those besetting sins that so easily entangle us.  We keep them in the dark and keep feeding them with the power of the darkness.  

"But there is nothing covered up that will not be revealed, and hidden that will not be known.  Accordingly, whatever you have said in the dark will be heard in the light, and what you have whispered in the inner rooms will be proclaimed upon the housetops."  Luke 12: 2-3

Love Dare

Today I began the 40 day Love Dare.  We watched Fireproof last night.  I cried... a lot.  I didn't like it so much. I did however plan on starting this challenge on Valentines day; which is today. So after seeing the movie I see the reason clearly.  I know that it is so much more than loving my husband.  I know that God will do a work in me during this time as well.  

"if I speak in tongues of men and angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging symbol. If I have the gift of prophcy and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am NOTHING.

Love  is patient, Love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag, and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  Love never fails.  1 Cor. 13:1-8

I know that God is able to do all things.  Our marriage is good.  We have been through a fire.  God brought us through it.  

I want to be the wife that God created to me, I want to have the marriage that glorifies God, that is a testimony of what God is able to do.  

     

11 months

11 months ago my world was rocked. I felt crushed and betrayed, abandoned and devastated. I thought that I would never recover, I thought I would never be whole again.

I have learned so many lessons and today, I am a testimony of how God can deliver. How He changes, how He recreates. How He brings healing to inner hurts, how He is the pursuer and the lifter of my head.

I should have so much more FAITH than I do based on what God has done. I know that He is so able.

I must seek Him. I must stand and fight for that faith. This is the victory that overcomes the world. Even our faith.

We overcome by the blood of the lamb, the word of our testimony and that we love our lives not unto death. This is the word of my testimony. God has changed those closest to me. He has taken the hurt that I have felt and redeemed it all.